A Fool's Story
A past client called excitedly, bragging how she didn’t fall prey to saying ‘yes’ to the man on the phone trying to enroll her into his impressive business program. I was so proud of her, given her tendency to lose touch with reality and feel her life depended on enrolling in the next exciting workshop that came along. In the past, she had scored high in the Fool money type. This is the archetype that, when activated, becomes caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment and buys instant gratification.
The Fool money pattern is one of the ways she creates overwhelm in her life and overextends herself financially. However, in this case she had followed this particular successful internet-based business training company for some time. She had been impressed with their integrity in how they stood apart from other programs she researched. She seriously considered some of their programs in the past but hadn’t enrolled. This time, her curiosity peaked when the company started to market an individual coaching program with a free session.
She had an interesting experience during the free session and was almost completely enrolled when the conversation triggered something that made her believe she absolutely needed this program to survive. The salesman began by saying the session’s intention was to see if the program was a good fit for her. From there he quickly digressed into the posture and presentation of a classic manipulative salesperson.
The wiser part of her – which was always present – knew that despite the discussion she wouldn’t make a decision until she thought it over.
She told me, “Donna, I credit our work together with helping me develop that part of me that takes more time to think through financial decisions. I was “activated”for a couple of days after the call as I processed my experience and decided the program isn’t right for me at this time. Also, I have a very different sense of the company’s integrity, based on their salesman’s behavior.”
It’s important here to understand how this client grew up. Her mom was never emotionally available while she raised her daughter, leaving her with a sense of abandonment in a situation of scarcity. Hopeful of receiving love and acknowledgment, she believed if she sacrificed enough by meeting the needs of everyone else, that her needs would eventually be met as well. When that didn’t happen, she continued the cycle of over-giving until exhaustion set in, resulting in the development of her Martyr pattern.
To complicate things, my client inherited money from her grandfather at a young age; the money was protected by a trust until she was 21. Thus my client grew up with mixed messages: there was a feeling of scarcity at home with her parents while simultaneously she knew she had a lot of money she couldn’t touch yet. With a certain assurance that it would all be covered someday, she would overspend. She was emotionally exhausted: she was both “just getting by,” and knew that someday the money would be hers. She eventually married a man who worked hard but was as poor a money manager as her parents, continuing the pattern.
As a result, my client’s three most challenging money patterns were feeling unworthy, irresponsible, and depleted. She also had a pattern of rescuing others, and undercharging in her business. This is an example of how confusing and conflicted her relationship with money had become.
The good news: she’s a talented, resourceful, and creative business coach willing to step more fully into her potential. She has taken the time to look at her story and has made peace with her personal history through forgiveness. She now honors herself by charging what she’s worth and paying herself first, saving at least 10 percent of every check she earns. She began to watch how she spent money during a typical week. She observed herself in four ways: without judgment, not trying to change, sensing the body, and being truthful. She watched how she spent, and was motivated to think about what emotions were underlying the core issue around her compulsion to consume. She did a beautiful job creating better boundaries, negotiating her compensation, and at the same time feeling generous. She also manages her conversations with clear agreements without giving herself away. She loves to write and is blogging more, tracking her billable hours for her business, and tracking how many hours she puts into marketing.
So here we have the story of a Fool who put on her Warrior boots and turned her life around! I love when that happens.
Learn more about your relationship with money: visit www.BuildingWealthFromWithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.
Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counsellor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counselling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.
© 2015 Donna Colfer