The Kenwood Press
Publishers' Corner: 09/01/2019

Have I got a deal for you!

Donald Trump and his attempt to buy Greenland reminded us of a recent phone call between the City of Sonoma and Glen Ellen/Kenwood. The transcript is below.

SON: Hi, this is Sonoma.

GEK: How’d you get this phone number?

SON: Not important. We’d like to buy you.

GEK: What? We didn’t even think you knew where we were. And what you just said is, well, absurd.

SON: You heard me. We’d like to buy you. What do you say?

GEK: Well, no, I guess. Why should we sell to you?

SON: Well, we have great wineries and tasting rooms.

GEK: Have you ever been up here? Obviously not.

SON: And fantastic outdoor activities.

GEK: Please, do you own a map?

SON: We have schools for the kids!

GEK: You do realize that Dunbar is part of your school district, right? That’s in Glen Ellen, in case you were wondering. Kenwood School is in its own district, so they’re doing fine.

SON: We have lots of unaffordable housing.

GEK: Sadly, we have that too.

SON: OK, OK, we have a city council that functions pretty well, kind of, except when it doesn’t.

GEK: We have our county board of supervisors to govern us, which has its own issues.

SON: Have you tried our baked goods?

GEK: Have you been to Les Pascals?

SON: We have a movie theater.

GEK: Fine, you have us there.

SON: And lots of other entertainment!

GEK: Like Transcendence Theater or Funky Fridays? In Glen Ellen and Kenwood by the way.

SON: OMG, the historic resources we have!

GEK: (Sigh)

SON: Hey, we have these mountains called the Mayacamas.

GEK: (Double Sigh)

SON: Oh, oh, we have an excruciatingly long parade every year. Fun!

GEK: We have two small, pleasingly short parades every year. We like it that way. By the way, do you have a yacht club?

SON: What, why do you have a yacht club and we don’t?

GEK: Beats us. We have two, actually, the Jack London Yacht Club and the Kenwood Yacht Club.

SON: Outrageous. Well, we’re going to get one, too! Maybe two or three!

GEK: You do that. Anything else?

SON: We still want to buy you. It will be the hugest real estate deal in Sonoma County history! Really big!

GEK: Not for sale. Maybe we should buy you?

SON: Fine, forget I ever called.

GEK: Done. Why don’t you try Greenland?v