Unlock the invisible ball and chain
How big is the story around your financial difficulties? And how much time is spent living there? If you’re living in the past, attached to your story and blaming your financial woes on external factors, part of you is playing out the “Victim” money type.
Life doesn’t seem fair when you feel betrayed, abused, or suffer from great financial loss. But if you hold that position emotionally and mentally, it’s hard to move beyond it. Unprocessed pain may turn on you and leave you highly emotional, financially irresponsible, and feeling powerless, much like the “Innocent.”
I have a friend, a single mom, with Innocent and Victim energies around money. At the end of her auto lease agreement she was late communicating whether she would keep or return the car. It was repossessed and towed from a local parking lot, leaving her stranded. She returned to the dealership, this time to purchase another car with a down payment. She asked the salesperson if she should take action concerning the repossessed vehicle. She was told “no,” which wasn’t the case. There was an outstanding balance, plus the charges of repo towing. Later, the account went to collections, but she didn’t know it because she ignored the letters sent to her… never even opened them!
Her history: she unconsciously created similar dramatic stories over the years. She doesn’t ask for help; I only hear about situations well after they’ve happened. Why? She’s always been rescued by her father and her husband (both now deceased). She’s living in the past and hasn’t learned to take responsibility for better decisions around money on her own.
The ever-increasing need to be rescued – believing you’ve suffered enough – can lead to a sense of entitlement. Following close behind is a tendency to be resentful and unforgiving in your attitude toward money.
These Victim behaviors keep “the story” alive. They tend to recreate more chaos and intensity, which results in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“See…bad things do happen to me and it’s not my fault!”
But stop for a moment and observe this pattern of thinking. Are you always waiting for “the other shoe to drop” even when things are going well for a change?
You have the power to change your external reality by examining your internal reality and taking action. Try to get in touch with the pain you’re carrying so you can express it in a healthy way. It’s not always easy, but it’s a step in the right direction. A crisis always represents an opportunity to choose your decisions. You can choose to focus on the crisis at hand… or the opportunity it presents. It is within your power, though you may not realize it.
The Victim money type wants others to take action that they refuse to take for themselves. Their biggest fear is being betrayed; ironically, Victims don’t see that they most often betray themselves. They can’t see that recreating “the story” of what’s not working prevents them from experiencing something new. It’s a form of unconscious resistance: think and take the same actions but expect different results.
To address the challenges this archetype has around money, you must understand and heal from past wounds through forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful tool to lift the heaviest life lessons from our hearts. Without it, you’re held hostage to the old story and resigned to not having any good come your way. Forgiving yourself for not doing “it” right will enable you to stay in the stream of well-being. Surrendering to what you actually control, such as your feelings, and unlocking the invisible ball and chain you’ve agreed to drag along will allow an energetic opening to more ease and flow. Forgiveness allows energy to expand. It’s a healing salve for your heart, replacing the tight, restrictive nature of resentment. Spiritual transformation comes more easily when you see how past experiences act as a powerful tool and catalyst for change. Instead of feeling victimized, feel victorious!
In future articles I’ll continue describing the eight Money Types and their key healings. Remember: these Money Types aren’t meant to label you. They are not your personality or “who you are.” They simply indicate your behavior around money, and they can change through awareness and action.
To learn more about your relationship with money, visit www.BuildingWealthFromWithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you will see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.
Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counselor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counseling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.
© 2020 Donna Colfer