Kenwood Press

Serving the communities of Kenwood, Glen Ellen and Oakmont

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Publishers' Corner: 08/15/2019

Fantastic beasts and where to find them

A long time ago, a friend of ours was on our property and said she felt a strong sensation, a positive energy force coming from a certain area. She was perplexed, so she brought a friend of hers over who apparently knew about these things, and this person confirmed that something was going on, and eventually determined we have a portal on our property.

Yes, a portal.

You know, an invisible opening that allows magical beings like pixies and fairies to travel between universes while at the same taking up residence and protecting the natural surroundings of our property.

OK, itís a little odd, but whatís not to like? These are all good things. We have magical creatures hanging around looking out for our land. They donít take up much space, they donít make noise, they donít raid our refrigerator, and they donít make a mess. I canít say the same about our kids when they were growing up.

(Although, I do wonder if the fairies have something to do with all my socks that have gone missing over the years.)

Clearly, our property values shot up. Realtors are always looking for properties with portals. You know Ė three bed, two bath, garage, portal to another dimension. Itís even better than a swimming pool.

I was discouraged from trying to monetize the portal, though. Ann wouldnít even let me get a sign pointing out where the portal is. Just let it be, I was told.


Itís fun Ė anything unexplainable or unusual that has happened in the last 25 years, we figure the portal has had something to do with it.

And, clearly, I think the portal people have been influencing our domestic animals over the years. Our dog, Kona, figured out how to open up one of our outside doors with his paws on the handle. Who taught him that? Some cheeky pixie, no doubt. One day we came home from work and found the kitchen door wide open, with Kona and all the other cats and dogs inside. Too bad heís never figured out how to close the door.

This summer our daughter was staying with us and she brought her cat, Carl. Believe it or not, this cat figured out how to open a door as well. From the patio he would get a running start and hurl himself onto the handle to pull it down. It got so that our two other cats would sit and wait for Carl to do this so they could sneak in with him.

How on earth did Carl learn this? Either Kona told him or some magical being did. Either way, it all points back to the portal.

We all need some positive energy in our lives, whether it be from a portal or something else. Take a look around your home and see if you have one. But, if you have cats and dogs in the yard, just make sure you lock your doors.

Ė Alec

Editor & Publisher

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