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Understanding Your Relationship with Money: 05/15/2013

Forgiving the past, creating abundance

Forgiveness is the cornerstone to happiness. Even though it’s difficult to release hurt feelings from a great loss, betrayal, or abuse, only forgiveness and love can free you from the constant weight of your stories. Staying in the “old story” doesn’t allow you to be in the present moment where ease and flow exist. In the “old story,” your built-up grudges and resentments toward others cause resistance that over time can go unnoticed and become part of your attitude. This is why it’s so important to become aware of the invisible ball and chain binding you to past pain so that you can forgive.

What does this have to do with our relationship with money? Our relationships – with money, people, places – have a great deal to do with our emotions and beliefs. When our emotions are heavy from memories of the past, there’s a tendency to blame others for what happened and how you feel. This creates resistance to wellbeing and creates energetic blocks to the natural flow of receiving money, relationships, or anything you truly desire. Through forgiveness and love you can shift unconscious suffering, and experience emotional freedom, abundance, and a lightness of heart. Though you were born with freedom and lightness, you’ve forgotten it over time.

After I ask clients about their intentions and desired outcomes, I look at their patterns and behaviors around money, their role models growing up, and how those patterns and beliefs around money are active in their present lives. This process brings new awareness and the opportunity to forgive the past. Jack Kornfield said, “Forgiveness is letting go of wanting a better past.”

What forgiveness is NOT: forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to befriend someone toward whom you hold a grudge or resentment. It doesn’t mean you must forget or approve what happened. Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting WHAT has happened. Forgiveness means accepting it HAS happened. Forgiveness is an internal process, and doesn’t have to be done in person.

Think of it as a pair of scissors you use to cut ties binding you to the past hurt, releasing the hold. “Holding on to resentment,” said Nelson Mandela, “is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

I was hired by a professional woman who earns a very good income but was mystified why she was unable to save money, and needed to use credit for large purchases. However, her emotional needs were not met as a child. She built a wall to protect herself from recurring pain. She carried the Victim archetype, living in the past. She cut off her emotions and had a hard time consciously knowing how to act differently. And with her emotions, she lost awareness of where her money was going and how to hold onto it when she had it, much like her relationships. On the other hand, her parents handled money well. Reacting to them, she often sabotaged herself financially as a way of rebelling.

Working with the forgiveness process, she realized that reacting to how her parents handled money, she was “throwing the baby out with the bath water.” She began forgiving herself for all the times she’d made herself wrong. In forgiving herself and her parents, she now understands how important it is to give herself the love she didn’t receive as a child. Her beliefs about being unworthy and undeserving shifted, and her ability to receive expanded. Within two months of working together on this core issue and her financial statements, she had an extra thousand dollars a month to put toward savings and her daughter’s education. She now has a tremendous sense of relief, freedom, and confidence about her money decisions.

If the act of forgiving is too difficult, ask yourself, “Who is hurt most when I don’t forgive?”

What money topics interest you? Email me and I’ll do my best to address your topic here (no names!) and give you resources to help you.

To learn more about your relationship with money, visit and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you will see the results. Or contact me at

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counselor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counseling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2020 Donna Colfer


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