I’m writing you a little early this year because I know how busy you are and how you have to take time to sort through all the boring letters before you get to the important ones like mine.
I started out with a lot on my wish list since I thought I’d been extra good, but then I remembered I cheated on some crossword puzzles this year, and I might have exaggerated the size of the fish I caught last summer. So I narrowed it down to one modest thing – my own cable channel – Awesome Alec Anytime. Sure that may sound a little narcissistic, but think of the great Alec-centric programming opportunities. A Kenwood Press reality show featuring me hard at work doing all those things publishing magnates do, like billing, yelling at reporters, taking out the trash … I’ll also show some episodes of Law & Order to fill out the 24 hours. And don’t give the AAA channel some cable number people can’t remember. Is 1,000,000 available?
Just to show I’m not completely selfish, there are things on my list for other people as well, in particular my work colleagues.
For Jay – a sense of humor. Jay says he lost his sense of humor back in 2007 (or was it when W took office in 2001?) and has been searching for it on the Internet ever since.
Ann – Ann wants an acknowledgement that if the world would only implement her excellent ideas, we’d all be much better off. A couple of examples: bike trails everywhere, and always loading airplanes starting in the back and working toward the front. You could give her a certificate with a gold star or something.
Sarah – Sarah would like a shiny new bicycle. Or a red wagon. She can ride either one of them to work on Sonoma Hwy. in the bike lane you’re giving Ann. She would also like radiant heat in the office floor, to keep her feet toasty warm all winter.
Thanking you in advance, big guy. And I promise you can have your own reality show on AAA – The House-elves of the North Pole.
All the best,