Kenwood Press


Serving the communities of Kenwood, Glen Ellen and Oakmont

email print
Understanding Your Relationship with Money: 09/01/2015

Starving artist or desperate designer?



Understanding Your Relationship with Money

By Donna Colfer

Starving artist or desperate designer?

At the early age of nine, Becky would have a beautiful table set and dinner ready by the time her parents came home from work. Becky was the older of two children; her sister was five years younger. Her mom was an attorney and her dad was a physicist (a rocket scientist!) with busy work lives. “I took care of my sister and felt more like the house help growing up. My mom was a type-A person, busy and often tense, angry, and worried,” she commented.

Becky’s dad was the opposite, more lighthearted, generous, and carefree. On occasion, he would treat Becky and her best friend to ice cream, only to come home to an angry mom who lectured dad for paying for her friend…in front of her friend. Becky felt embarrassed and ashamed and couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal.

Becky’s dad wasn’t as organized with money. He was a bit detached and undisciplined: the opposite of her organized mother. Not only did Becky receive mixed messages around money, but she also took on the responsibility of being the mediator in the family, taking care of everyone’s needs to keep the peace while unconsciously developing a strong Martyr money type.

Since she was nine years old, Becky’s passion in life was to have her own design business. She was truly a Creator/Artist and eventually followed her passion with a master’s degree in art. Her parents did not support her field of study because they didn’t believe she could make money as a designer. There was a constant message from them that “artists don’t make money.”

At age 20, she received her first credit card, not realizing how credit worked. When her mom found out about her accumulated debt, she hit the ceiling! She loaned Becky money to pay it off, which was just one more thing for her mom to be angry about. Instead of educating her daughter about credit cards, interest rates, and saving to grow money over time, she confused Becky. The lack of understanding how money works (Innocent), the lack of attention growing up, and constant criticism from mom (Victim) has contributed to Becky’s feelings of being unworthy and undeserving to receive (Martyr), especially around money. These attitudes kept alive the belief that “artists don’t make money.”

Over the years – and in spite of this belief – Becky had some great positions working as a Creative Director for several design firms, managing projects with large teams and budgets. And though she was paid well, she often felt undeserving of the jobs and high salaries because the nagging belief she unconsciously bought into so many years ago persisted: artists don’t make money. Consequently, her positions didn’t last, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy around money and her career, which in turn fed her low self-confidence.

One of the first steps toward changing your relationship with money is becoming aware of unconscious beliefs governing what you can and cannot do. It’s important to identify unconscious agreements that keep you small so you “fit” within your family’s dynamic. Without this knowledge, it’s much harder to create a more fulfilling and prosperous career. In Becky’s case, she worked for bosses who were similar to her mother, continuing her experience of being criticized and unsupported (Victim).

After recalling her money memories growing up, and becoming familiar with her relationship with money, Becky was completely willing to re-write her “internal script” around money. She’s learning simple ways to become more disciplined and consistent in managing money and feels much more empowered to make better decisions moving forward. She has developed her own part-time design business. She realizes that valuing her self-authority, work experience, and education (Warrior) rather than trying to prove her validity to her parents when earning money was far more effective and deeply satisfying than her old attitudes. She attracts the right clients and situations, and she creates more ease and flow around money. When things don’t go as planned, she no longer defaults to the old belief that she can’t make money as an artist. She remembers her vision, reaches deep inside to find the strength and patience to believe in herself, and has faith in knowing she is more than enough, and that all her needs are being met (Magician). Forgiveness has played a huge role in letting go of grudges against her parents, and lightened up her creative path while she remains grateful for all that is working.

Learn more about your relationship with money: visit www.BuildingWealthFromwithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counsellor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counselling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2015 Donna Colfer


To learn more about your relationship with money, visit www.BuildingWealthFromWithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you will see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counselor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counseling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2020 Donna Colfer

Email: donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com

Recently Published:

05/15/2020 - Our deeper selves – reweaving ourselves during lockdown
04/01/2020 - A spiritual awakening
02/15/2020 - Consider these saving tips before filing taxes
12/15/2019 - A state of grace
11/15/2019 - Holding resistance in a material world
09/15/2019 - Are you taking the ostrich approach with money?
08/15/2019 - Six steps to get the job done already!
06/15/2019 - Unlock the invisible ball and chain
05/15/2019 - Grow your emotional container to receive
04/15/2019 - …and Forgive Them Their Debts
03/15/2019 - Healing the wound of a forgotten child
02/15/2019 - Are there strings attached to your giving?
01/15/2019 - Clean out the clutter physically and financially for 2019
12/15/2018 - True financial flexibility offers choices
11/01/2018 - Fear of the unknown can severely limit your money savvy
09/15/2018 - Packrat or hoarder?
08/15/2018 - Feeling successful in any circumstance
06/15/2018 - Your attitude makes a difference
04/01/2018 - Building wealth from within
02/15/2018 - Keeping secrets creates anxiety
12/15/2017 - The silence of the season
11/15/2017 - Crossing a threshold
10/01/2017 - A win-win divorce
08/01/2017 - Communication tips & money management steps for couples
07/01/2017 - Common money traps for couples and ways to avoid them

Recently Published:

08/01/2020 - SVCAC supports Glen Ellen cannabis operation
08/01/2020 - Tree Men at work
08/01/2020 - Concerns aired at groundwater public hearing
08/01/2020 - Property tax values available online
08/01/2020 - Mayacamas VFD seeking volunteers for board and fire council work
08/01/2020 - Virtual fundraiser for SV Mentoring Alliance
08/01/2020 - PG&E powering up...
08/01/2020 - Sugarloaf Ridge State Park events
08/01/2020 - Labor dispute likely behind golf exit in Oakmont
08/01/2020 - Oakmont’s general manager resigns
08/01/2020 - Long-term Bay Area planning – public workshop for Sonoma on Aug. 5
08/01/2020 - Kenwood Fire District ballot measure – confusing but necessary
08/01/2020 - Free food distributions in Kenwood, Glen Ellen
08/01/2020 - Protect open space at the SDC
08/01/2020 - Applications available for the 2020 Jack London Yacht Club Grants
08/01/2020 - We remember you: Notes from the Eldridge Cemetery
08/01/2020 - Agenda set for Aug. 3 Glen Ellen Forum meeting
08/01/2020 - New Soroptimists in Wine Country
08/01/2020 - Clarification
08/01/2020 - Kenwood school board, fire board election filing deadlines
08/01/2020 - Rebuild NorthBay awards grant to Glen Ellen Forum to benefit fire survivors
07/15/2020 - North Valley Municipal Advisory Council appointed
07/15/2020 - Fire Season 2020 top 10 tips
07/15/2020 - The witching hour
07/15/2020 - Political action alive and well in Oakmont...

Community Calendar

Sugarloaf Trail Crew
08/13/2020
more...
Night Sky Trails
08/15/2020
more...
Creekside Nature Hike
08/15/2020
more...
Sonoma Valley Mentoring Alliance Fundraiser
08/20/2020
more...
Forest Therapy
08/22/2020
more...
Economic Recovery town hall meeting
08/26/2020
more...